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  • Writer's pictureEdward Riederich

CDC Guidelines and Recommendations

*Schools can remain open except in California, New York and Chicago. Omicron spreads quicker in these areas.

*Using a Q-tip at home as a nose swab daily will cut down chances of contacting Omicron by 50%. Sticking Q-tips in your ears will reduce hearing the media's fear mongering by 50%.

* We recommend all Walmarts and Targets go back to having one way aisles. This will cause a huge reduction in cases. Backing up making a beeping sound into a one way aisle will be acceptable.

*Removing your Delta Faucet in your home will remove the chance of the Delta variant spreading through your drinking water.

*Masks and social distancing are recommended in all situations unless its the NFL playoffs. Then 80,000 fans can be jammed into a stadium without masks. As long as players who aren't vaccinated are wearing masks on the sidelines then the stadium will be considered safe.

*You must be vaccinated and boosted to purchase Pfizer, Moderna or CVS stock. 2 weeks after your last required booster a code will be sent to your phone to unlock purchasing any of these stocks.

*McDonalds will now be a primary vaccine location. Free Big Mac, Coke and fries will be given out with each shot. Remember, your health is our main concern.

*You are not fully vaccinated unless you had at least one booster. Your are not fully boostered unless you have had 2 boosters and a flu shot. And you are not fully vaccinated Australian style unless you have had 3 boosters, wear 2 masks and have stayed at least 20 feet away from people at least 14 days before getting on a plane to Sydney. Then, on the plane you can be 6 inches apart and take your mask off to eat and drink.

*Masks are recommended at all times, even masks you have worn everyday for the last year without washing them. They may be full of bacteria but as long as they are on your face you are safe.

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