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  • Writer's pictureEdward Riederich

Gender Neutral Potato Head

Updated: Dec 26, 2021

Mr. Potato Head is now saying goodbye We now have a potato head that's half girl half guy In this Cancel Culture we are being tutored And now Mr. Potato Head is being neutered

I remember as a kid mixing up the potato parts But now this confusion is off the charts What if a Russet wants to change to a red potato? What if a red potato wants to change to a tomato?

So I grab two potatoes and I hold them in the air I seriously can't tell the gender of these pair Oh wait, this potato is a male. I figured it out Oh no! Hold on! That is just a potato sprout

So I grabbed a peeler and started peeling I started scanning but got an awkward feeling So I covered my potato in a little towel And I sat there staring at it with a scowl

I realized I can't tell the gender of a potato And I can't tell the gender of a cherry tomato And now Mr. Potato Head is a neutral gender I'm trying to be sensitive and not be an offender

Hey maybe the Hasbro name they should rename There is "bro" in Hasbro in that manly name I don't care if their name is HasBrenda But this is just another man pleasing agenda

In Idaho if Mr. Potato Head was born a mister I say we don't change it and make him a sister Now I have no idea if it's a mister or a sister All I know is Hasbro is playing gender twister

I should introduce a competitor named Mr. Gourd It would come with a guitar so he can play some chords Listen Mr. Gourd would be 100% man But he would be wild, you understand

I went out to eat at Five Guys burgers and fries It really bugged me that Hasbro was not wise Then I thought should they rename Five Guys? As I scarfed down my gender neutral fries

Maybe they should rename it Five Gals Or maybe go neutral with just Five Pals Or maybe they will change it to Five Trans I really don't know what's in their plans

However, if they do change the name of Five Guys I will have to get out my set of angry eyes We weren't easily offended not that long ago We wouldn't have complained about Mr. Potato

I'm definitely not a potato educator I am really only a lowly common tater I'm trying to share some Tater thoughts I think it's wrong what's being taught

Mr. Potato Head heads to gender purgatory I guess next to get cancelled will be Toy Story I try to be healthy and eat organic But I will not cross this Trans-Atlantic

This neutered potato idea needs to be trashed If not those potato heads need to be mashed

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