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  • Writer's pictureEdward Riederich

Healthy Eating and Hairy Chests

Carrots and cauliflower

Bananas and broccoli

Brussel sprouts and beets 

I am healthy as I eat

Tomatoes and turnips 

Okra and onions

Fuji apples and Five Guys

With food choices I am wise

People question though 

About the Five Guys

But burgers are protein 

And a vegetable is fries

I add some jalapenos

Because they are the best

I've been told that they

Put hairs on my chest

There is a question I have always had 

I don't know if its good

I don't know if its bad

It is a question that has plagued me my whole life

It is a question that has caused me much strife

Does spicy food put hair on your chest

I think I heard it before but I forgot the rest

Some women like it

Some women don't 

So some will eat spicy

And some people won't 

I heard if you apply an onion topically it can cause chest hair to grow

Whether the onion has to be organic I do not know

I grabbed my Five Guys burger before I would eat

I took off my shirt as I sat in that seat

I took the grilled onions and rubbed them on my chest

People were staring and I didn't look the best

No shirt no service but I didn't care

I had to see if those grilled onions would give me chest hair

I also grabbed those peanuts they give you for free

I started rubbing furiously to see what I could see

But no hair appeared to my demise

I desperately even tried rubbing on my chest my fries

I try to eat healthy unless I go to malls 

But sometimes also Five Guys calls

As for hair on my chest I came up with a plan

I started applying Chia Pet to feel like a man

It sprouts and grows just like they say

I just have to water it every day

I still eat healthy and I still think its cool

But now I look different when I go to the pool

People will whisper when I lay out in the sun

But my chia chest hair growth is surely not done

People will always talk if they can about someone

But at least my chest hair won't smell like an onion


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