Pat Down at 4am

I went through security but I didn't feel the love

There was a scary man and he was putting on gloves 

I walked through the machine but the lady said to wait here

And all of a sudden I experienced my biggest fear

The man said I need to feel your buttocks and groin

I decided it wasn't the best time to pick up that coin 

The man asked me if I wanted a private screening 

But I wasn't really sure what he was meaning 

I said no just go ahead and feel away 

And that was the way I started my day

At least the TSA gave me a little warning

But I'm getting felt up at 4 in the morning

I stood there with a smirk and tried not to laugh

While I was on display for his whole staff

He felt me up across my whole spectrum

But they found no drugs in my rectum 

Then he said thank you and have a great day

But I didn't say "you're welcome" to the TSA