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  • Writer's pictureEdward Riederich

Sports of Confusion

Women's sports are looking for a few mediocre men

Just change to a woman and win a trophy again

There's tennis and swimming and basketball

Try out a few and you might win them all

Go with a neutral name like Jessie or Kerry

And well shave those legs, they can't be hairy

You'll have to start wearing leggings today

And no facial hair but use oil of Olay

Stop eating jalapeños, it puts hair on your chest

Exfoliate your lips they say would be best

Apply your foundation before concealer

Then post about your big gender revealer

There's agender and bigender and gender outlaw

There's nonbinary, cisgender and a few more I saw

This ship on the Trans Atlantic has lost its sail

I thought there was only a male or female

I don't remember this stuff back in the 80's

I don't remember men trying to compete with the ladies

Nowadays if men lose with men they don't settle

They just change to a lady to win a medal

Sometimes back in school I didn't get first

I wasn't the greatest but I wasn't the worst

I always wanted to play ball in the NBA

But I wasn't growing that quick you could say

I was only mediocre on the basketball courts

But I never thought of trying out for women's sports

I wanted a shiny trophy to hold in this world

But I never thought of changing from a boy to a girl

I guess I was satisfied to just win less

Because I never wanted to put on a dress

I don't think I would have won at women's sports

I don't think I would have looked good in those shorts

People make up genders in their delusion

Now kids everywhere are in total confusion

Just stay your born gender and get some education

And we will mail you a trophy for your participation

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