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  • Writer's pictureEdward Riederich

The Vegan Milk Controversy

Yesterday, James Cromwell, the Star Trek actor, glued his hand to a counter in a Manhatten Starbucks. He was protesting up charges for vegan milk.


Starbucks is pretty liberal

But I guess not enough

James Cromwell showed up

He began to huff and puff


Wearing his PETA shirt

He showed he didn't agree

Protesting other liberals

Yet still supporting AOC


He leaned on the counter

With a hand of super glue

Then he read a declaration

Of some ridiculous view


Most of these people are radicals

They cannot be rational

Plus I thought PETA meant

People eating tasty animals


Everyone got stuck listening

To what James had to say

But I think most customers there

Just wanted to pick up their latte


I can make these life decisions

Now that I'm a big boy

But I'm not into almond milk

And I'm not into soy


I'm just not into vegan milk

I won't listen to his rebuke

Honestly, when I smell oat milk

It makes me wanna puke


Long ago James lost his marbles

He seems arrogant and haughty

But I thought for sure at that counter

He'd say beam me up scotty

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