Twas two days before Christmas and with winter I am done
Not a creature was stirring for it was negative 41
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
But I was really wishing I had a Florida timeshare
My puppy Phoebe was nestled snug in her crate
As i had visions of vacations in some southern state
Dog in her sweater and I in my weather app
Walked outside but then called it a wrap
I thought of global warming and I thought what's the matter
Cold weather makes me eat and I don't want to get fatter
Away back inside Phoebe flew with a flash
I made an executive decision not to take out the trash
The amazing beauty of the new fallen snow
Gave way to the ungodly windchill of 41 below
Then back outside to my fre fre freezing eyes would appear
But a shivering puppy and me freezing my rear
With getting Christmas shopping done I wasn't so quick
I was foolish to wait until the roads were so slick
Retiring in Arizona was now my new aim
I pondered this as I sat close to my gas fireplace flame
On Door Dasher to the food they are fixin
On Uber Eats to go get my Starbucks addiction
I stay off my cold porch but I might go to the mall
And sorry Phoebe it's too cold to throw you a ball
Oh no! Bread, eggs and milk I did not buy
But I bought way too much popcorn and now I know why
Way up on my rooftop I imagine my face would turn blue
And I guess I am glad now I don't live in Kalamazoo
Out my back door I heard a faint little woof
It was Phoebe pawing with each little hoof
I let her in and warmth happily she had found
She squeaked her squeaker toy from off of the ground
I want toe warmers for Christmas to warm up each foot
Its time to stay inside and just read a book
For some reason when I get cold I begin to snack
And if I was a duck in this weather I would quack and quack
Yes this Christmas it will be cold and merry
But days like today I am sure glad my chest is hairy
I am confident in this, one thing I know
I'm not a big fan of this 41 below
The sound of this chatter it's really my teeth
As temperatures plummeted to 0 and beneath
Today I had thoughts of moving to New Dehli
Or maybe attempting to make donuts with jelly
Look I'm only 5'6. I'm short like an elf
But this windchill is just not good for myself
Do I journey into the cold which I so dread?
Or do I sit here and write for What Ed Said?
No I won't drive my sleigh off to work
No paying for gas to the gas station clerk
It is now winter, we've made it official
Hey there's no mosquitos so that is beneficial
I will go to put on my fifth layer of clothes
So I will not complain of this winter's woes
But I heard a neighbor exclaim as he drove out of sight
Merry Christmas to all but this windchill is not right